The last few weeks of the school year are really when a mom's super powers are tested.
There's an endless string of field days, concerts, plays, recitals, end-of-year parties for every activity and club your child is in. Multiply this by three children--in three different schools--and it's enough to make me start thinking that cloning isn't such a bad idea.
Once again I'm in need of a Mommy-Super-Power-Upgrade. This piece, "Searching for a Super Power Upgrade," was originally posted here on the dishwasher on July 17, 2011, and is so applicable to my life right now that it seemed the perfect time to re-visit it:
As I was cutting up some apples to make a
fruit salad for my three kids, I found myself getting very frustrated
with the little angels. I was smiling my best mommy smile as I counted
the fruit and went over the colors... red apples... blueberries...
oranges.... doing my best to educate as I entertained. But my kids
would have none of it.
Apparently, I was just not going fast enough. Peter, our
six-year-old, kept announcing the fruits that remained in pure
desperation. Seeing with his own eyes that I was cutting the apples with
the knife was not enough to convince him that I was in fact serious
about making this salad.
I was about to scream, "I am only a human being," when it
hit me like a ton of bricks. My super powers are almost gone! The
warranty must have expired, and I was none the wiser.
The card must have gotten lost among all the other
papers, bills, and catalogs that come by the truckload to this house
Fear not. I will just purchase a new set of super powers.
But this time I'm spending the big bucks and going for
an upgrade. Mere eyes in the back of my head will not do anymore. My
kids are getting older. My oldest will become a teenager in less than
six months. I can't be fooling around with discount super powers.
following is a list of powers I will be adding to my few remaining
powers of kissing cuts and banishing monsters under the bed.
IN-VISA-MOM - I'm adding the invisibility option. True,
up to this point my almost dog-like hearing has been enough to
thwart a siege of 11-year-olds at a sleepover from raiding the fridge at
2:00 a.m. Or, hear a hand of my nine-year-old daughter
before it hits her younger brother in a toy theft.
who am I kidding? We are moving into the teen years. I need the power
to not be seen as I say goodbye to my 12 year-old son. Plus it sure
could come in handy at the middle school canteens, where the mere
thought of having me chaperon is enough to make him faint.
MOMMY-GO-FASTER -- As I said, my current speed option is
shot. Once I could cut the fruit and just use my sparkling personality
to amuse the children. No more. I need the super speed option with the
ability to cut fruit into perfectly proportioned pieces carefully
leaving no skin on the apples.
I really need to be able to just blink and produce the fruit
salad. Unfortunately, I've been told that option won't be ready for a
few more years.
I was looking into the thaw-the-ice-cream-with-my-touch
option, but that was just going to put me way over budget. The kids are
just going to have to settle for the microwave.
LIFT-A-KID-ABILITY, otherwise known as the SUPER-STRENGTH
OPTION -- This is a must. My six-year-old is getting bigger, but I'm
not quite ready to give up carrying him up the stairs when he falls
asleep in the playroom. It's bad enough I have to wake his sister and
brother as I usher them up the stairs. The idea of not being able to
hold at least one of my kids in my arms is just too much for me.
MEGA-MOM-MIND -- I have been in need of the mommy memory
upgrade for some time. I thought I was covering up the fact that I
couldn't always remember my children's names by using a variety of pet
names, but Peter is now insisting that I use his real name. The jig is
up, I need the advanced version of Super Mom Memory, and I need it fast.
Fortunately for me an extra dose of patience is
already included in the deluxe package. Mine is a bit frayed, but I hear
this new version can withstand the teen years. I'm a little doubtful,
but I'm in this mothering game for the long haul, and I'll take whatever
help I can get.
I'm very disappointed to hear that they have not come up with a super power to freeze time.
My kids are growing so fast. I have only my memories and a
few hundred photos to remind me of the feel and scent of each child as a
newborn sleeping in my arms. Or the look of pure joy that Tom and
Lizzy had when they met their new brother, Peter, for the first time. Or
the look of fear mixed with pride each time a new school year rolls
around, and I make all three of them take a first-day-of-school
Of all the super powers I could think of, this is the one I would pay a king's ransom for.
Just in case my super powers should be on back order, I
will just have to rely on what I was given the day I had each one of my
babies... An amazing amount of love for each child and the knowledge
that no matter how bad a day I might be having as a mom, the absolute
best day before I had my children doesn't even come close.
The dishwasher and I will be back next week with an original post. As always thank you for your support for me and my crazed appliance!